Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
