4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Christians are straight up FREAKS
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
