so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize