the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
