Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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