I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
