As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
