He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Quick, to the slutcave!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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