I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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