I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
