i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
