If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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