The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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