I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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