Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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