I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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