It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
