Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
