i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
