this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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