I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
