During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
