id be glad to
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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