i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
