Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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