Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bring money and cleavage
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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