This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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