i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
me + whiskey = a bad person
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
