Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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