yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
