remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize