Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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