I must be too annoying 4 u.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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