Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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