you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
