I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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