whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
birth control should be required to get into college
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
