is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
