Whod you bang
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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