Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
