i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
