I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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