adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
