Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
