Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
