last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
