Nicole vs. Life
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
