I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
