I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
