I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
