Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
