He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
