My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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