Betty ford says i'm here all night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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