I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
