So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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