If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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