I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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