On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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