I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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