I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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