One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
