a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize