why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
