batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
