just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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