Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So squirting runs in the family.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize