he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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