Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
