You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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