This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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