the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
