1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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