Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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