I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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