tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want a musical about memes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
