Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
