he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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