So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
