Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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