my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize