Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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