he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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