And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
