listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize