you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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