2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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