ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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