She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
