I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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