His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
