he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
