i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
