Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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