I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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