HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
