i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
