he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My ass is underappreciated
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
