I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
