Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
