yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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