11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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