never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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