I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize
