i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
