just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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