if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
