If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
