He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i died would you start the facebook group?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
