It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
